BEING BOLD DOES NOT EQUATE TO BEING BAD

Being BOLD does not equate to being bad.

As I have been reflecting this week, I came to the realization that my energy comes off very strong to others. My whole life I have been extremely free-thinking, strong willed, and independent. I have always had extreme reactions and strong visceral emotional responses to various things. I have strong reactions to people. I have strong reactions against being corralled in. I have constantly felt this desire or need to be free.

As a young child, family and various teachers described me as out of control or not controllable. Instead of embracing my free-spirited energy I was labeled as difficult, disruptive, or a bad apple. I am not saying this to place any blame on them. They were doing the best that they could with their knowledge and awareness at the time.

We’ve developed these social structures where we are trying to get as many people as possible to fit into the middle of the bell curve. It’s a one size fits all mentality. Unfortunately, people who have voices that go against the status quo, go against patriarchal power structures, and people who trust their visceral instincts tend to be considered dangerous. We have this vilification of anyone who does not fit the status quo.

That itself is dangerous because we are not encouraging the visionaries, the innovators, and future thinking people. It’s like shaming the mad scientist that has a brilliant idea that could improve our current way of life. We need disruption out of the stale status quo in order to acknowledge our individuality, and to develop our autonomy.

I recently realized that I have an outdated belief system, feeling as though I am a bad person from constantly being told as a child that I was difficult, disruptive, or a problem child. I have been hurt, shamed, and abused just for speaking up to injustices or having my own desires. Sadly, I have internalized these negative feelings and blamed myself. I started to expect punishment for being autonomous. I believed I deserved to be treated badly.

I am currently in the process of healing this outdated belief system (feeling as though I am not a good person). I am going through my body clearing out any beliefs that I deserve punishment for speaking my truth. I am clearing out shame, guilt, and anger related to being treated badly for just showing up. I am doing positive affirmations: I am a great person, I am unique, I am special, I am me, and I am more than good enough! I AM BOLD.

My therapist recently shared a story with me. When her granddaughter was in kindergarten she behaved in a way that the teachers deemed misbehaving and as a consequence they placed her in a time-out. When her mother came to pick her up they informed her she had been placed in a time-out earlier that day. Her mother asked if she had been bad and the teacher responded “Not bad, BOLD”. I love this! That teacher was definitely wise beyond her years.

So, I live as an example to show you that it’s okay to be yourself, it’s okay to speak your truth, it’s okay to stand your ground.  I am willing to empower myself by trusting myself over what a group tells me. Like Robert Frost said: FREEDOM LIES IN BEING BOLD.