FROM VICTIM TO VICTORIOUS

I love late night chats. I have a good friend that I can get lost in conversation with and the hours seem to magically disappear. This friend asks me a lot of questions about my past and I answer truthfully. In these moments I am raw and unfiltered. I feel safe with this friend, hence my transparency. I know this person will guard my words with their life and for that I am blessed.

The sun goes down, darkness approaches, the clouds roll in, and the stars light up the sky. The words flow endlessly. Our chat continues…

I tell my friend about my childhood. As a young child some of my most basic needs were not always met. I didn’t always have emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and financial support. I have unfortunately experienced several severe traumatic events. I have experienced all types of abuse. I will eventually share these events with you, but it would likely take up this entire blog. My friend always responds with empathy and care, but is surprised that I can talk about it with no anger or bitterness, with no hostility directed towards the perpetrators.

Now I am not claiming to be an angel. I am only human and I have made my fair share of mistakes. But I do try to live an ethical life filled with integrity, and I can assure you that I would never intentionally hurt another. I know too well what it is like to be hurt, to be disempowered.

There was a time that my heart was heavy. It was filled with sadness, anger, and bitterness. I was jaded based on things that happened to me in the past. These memories haunted me and the pain was never too far behind. I had these ghosts of lovers past, friends that had betrayed me, and family that couldn’t meet my basic needs. I felt like a victim of outside circumstances.  But holding that anger and hurt in my heart was only holding me back from my true potential and my soul’s purpose.

There’s a story that occasionally circulates Facebook: “Two twin boys were raised by an alcoholic Father. One grew up to be an alcoholic and when asked what happened he said “I watched my father.” The other grew up and never drank in his life. When he was asked what happened he said, “I watched my father.” Two boys with two different perspectives. Your perspective in life will determine your destination. “

I love this story above because IT IS ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE. Both of these boys experienced the same situation, but the main difference is perspective. One of the boys feels bad for himself and that he is a victim of his circumstance, while the other boy has empowered himself and feels like a survivor.

At times I have had both a victim mentality and a survivor mentality. As mentioned above there was a time where I felt like total crap. But I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.  With years of therapy from a licensed psychologist I have been able to overcome passed conditioning. I eventually worked on letting go of the past, healing, and empowering myself. I took a liking to Louise Hay books and I started to understand that my parents were doing the best they could with the knowledge and awareness they had at the time. I reflected on my parents and their childhood. Maybe they had a bad childhood and never learned how to love. I had to remind myself that although my parents are older than me, that doesn’t always correlate to being wiser. Maybe they didn’t have the skillset to be there for me and my siblings the way we needed. But they were doing their best, they just weren’t capable. And that’s okay.

And then with growing spiritually, I reflect on what my soul was needing or wanting to learn from this set of parents and family. I can say I have learned be more independent and that is a positive thing. When you don’t have someone to support you emotionally, physically, and spiritually, you quickly develop this independent streak and you learn how to be there for yourself. I have learned how to be strong and resilient! I am strong because I have been weak. I am currently learning how to love my family for who they are and accept them as is, flaws and all. Okay, enough about me…

My point in this blog is that if you are feeling bad for yourself, you could be missing out on so much. We all go through different things and handle them the best we can at the time. It’s okay to feel that way, just don’t stay there permanently. What are you learning from the pain you have experienced, from the contrast? Empower yourself, my loves! Let’s rise from this! We shall turn our pain into our purpose. We are not victims. We are and shall be victorious!