FREEDOM FROM WITHIN

FREEDOM FROM WITHIN

I always wanted to feel free.

At times freedom felt like being noncommittal, spontaneous, and always on the run. Now I describe the word freedom differently.

True freedom is mastering one’s mind and knowing thyself. Freeing yourself from the constraints of your mind. Freeing yourself from limiting or outdated belief systems, negative thoughts, fears of the future, and feelings of inadequacy or not being good enough.

So, ask yourself: Are you really free?… or are you tied up?

Sometimes freeing yourself involves self-reflection, rest, and time for healing. After taking much needed time for myself, rest, reflection, and healing, I attempted to heal from childhood and past life trauma. I attempted to balance my light side and shadow side attributes.  Healing is a process, sometimes slow but always sweet. Healing from past trauma is truly rewarding, especially when you start seeing the results. The greatest gift I received from taking time for my own healing and going inward was the gift of peace. And what greater gift is there? I started to experience inner peace, an understanding of myself, and others. For once in a long time I truly felt free. More than anything I was free from an over-burdened mind.

“Man know thyself; then thou shalt know the Universe and God.” -Pythagoras

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” -Socrates

“They say searching for love is like searching for yourself. When you find yourself, you find love because they’re the same.” – Unknown

These are the things I experienced during my inward journey: I experienced a greater understanding of the laws of the universe, newfound wisdom, and unconditional love. I had this feeling of deep peace in my heart and happiness. This was a feeling that originated from my heart space, from my core and radiated outward. This feeling was not caused by an external source. No, it was internal. This feeling was not dependent on my job, career, or social status. This feeling was not dependent on something as silly as my net worth or a fucking dollar amount in my bank account. I do not define myself by my career or the work that I do. My soul is infinite and expansive and cannot be defined by such trivial things. This feeling was not based on my material belongings or tangible items. No, it was greater than that.

This feeling wasn’t dependent on another person’s approval or opinion of me. This feeling was not dependent on my image or how popular I am. See the thing is, I used to care so much about what people thought of me. I was a slave to their perspective of me. Now I realize that their perception of me is a reflection of themselves. Because most people project their inner-self, pain, and turmoil on others.

See the thing is, I used to build homes in other people. My happiness relied on their approval, acceptance, or attention. In the past I was hurt by friends and romantic partners that I trusted, but they sadly betrayed me. I gave endlessly more than I received. Now I realize that they were doing the best that they could with the knowledge, awareness, and skillset they had at the time. They weren’t capable of reciprocating. They couldn’t give me the attention or words of affirmation that I longed for because on the inside they felt empty like me. It’s not that they didn’t want to give back. Its that they felt like they had nothing to give.

See the thing is, I was searching for love outside of myself. I was dependent on external stimuli for internal happiness. I now realize that at times I have to come back to myself. I have to give myself the love, caring, nurturing, and attention that I gave so freely to others. I have to weed, water, fertilize, and spritz neem oil on my own garden.

Eventually I bloom and I blossom. I come back to myself. I find a deep sense of peace within. And finally, I am truly free because my happiness does not rely on something as temporary as an external source. Therefore, I cannot be controlled nor manipulated. I realize that my happiness in not dependent on my job, career, net worth, material belongings, tangible items, my friends, my family, and my romantic partner. These things will come and go but I will always have me. I am my rock. I am the wind beneath my wings. I am the reason I wake up in the morning. Happiness is an inside job. It’s my own responsibility, and with this newfound knowledge my garden blooms and it blossoms.